readers, i literally think that im such a useless daughter. i love my dad n my mom so much at the level that i cant really described. i've been very naughty and rebellious and always make them furious. the thing is sumtimes im angry with the world. im angry with myself and i dont know what i shud do to express all my anger and my sadness. ive been living in pain and i dont know how to change it. sumtimes i feel like i couldnt cope with it anymore. so i do things that could at least makes me forget the pain which is going to a club, partying and basically getting drunk with friends. i know its not a right way to solve my problems. but im not finding any better solutions.
i hate it if i have to follow all the rules my parents' made. call me selfish but i didnt ask them to deliver me to this world and grew up as a reckless kid who likes to do stupid things. one hundred thousand sorries still not enough. it's as if they live in grudge or sumthin. im tired. im extremely tired of his attitude towards me. he seemed to be so mad everytime he's talkin to me and hell it's hurting me so bad. i cried lots and lots of time. has he ever think about my feelings? about how it feels to be me?! im the one who always wrong, always. im reaching one point where i just wanna walk away from everything and have my lil own life.
i know deep inside dat my parents love me. but the way they treated me sometimes and the way they talked to me arent really showing love. i know im not a good daughter, and im often letting them down with all my acts like goin home at midnite, spendin lots of money, etc. but for once, dont they ever think that i love them so much too? do they know that ive to let go of everything i wanted in this life, my dream because of them and because i care abt them that much?! sriously i cant bear this anymore im crying.
it's just... why do they have to say something that always hurt my heart so much? whatever words that came out from their mouth, i will never ever forget because it lefts my heart a scar. i want a happy life, a happy family, and a supportive family. a family that never break your heart. a family that accept you for who you are. a family that can forgive.. a family that believe in God.
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