im a nightmare

readers, i literally think that im such a useless daughter. i love my dad n my mom so much at the level that i cant really described. i've been very naughty and rebellious and always make them furious. the thing is sumtimes im angry with the world. im angry with myself and i dont know what i shud do to express all my anger and my sadness. ive been living in pain and i dont know how to change it. sumtimes i feel like i couldnt cope with it anymore. so i do things that could at least makes me forget the pain which is going to a club, partying and basically getting drunk with friends. i know its not a right way to solve my problems. but im not finding any better solutions.

i hate it if i have to follow all the rules my parents' made. call me selfish but i didnt ask them to deliver me to this world and grew up as a reckless kid who likes to do stupid things. one hundred thousand sorries still not enough. it's as if they live in grudge or sumthin. im tired. im extremely tired of his attitude towards me. he seemed to be so mad everytime he's talkin to me and hell it's hurting me so bad. i cried lots and lots of time. has he ever think about my feelings? about how it feels to be me?! im the one who always wrong, always. im reaching one point where i just wanna walk away from everything and have my lil own life.

i know deep inside dat my parents love me. but the way they treated me sometimes and the way they talked to me arent really showing love. i know im not a good daughter, and im often letting them down with all my acts like goin home at midnite, spendin lots of money, etc. but for once, dont they ever think that i love them so much too? do they know that ive to let go of everything i wanted in this life, my dream because of them and because i care abt them that much?! sriously i cant bear this anymore im crying.

it's just... why do they have to say something that always hurt my heart so much? whatever words that came out from their mouth, i will never ever forget because it lefts my heart a scar. i want a happy life, a happy family, and a supportive family. a family that never break your heart. a family that accept you for who you are. a family that can forgive.. a family that believe in God.

water and a flame

i've been missing him like crazy and i dont know why, it's just every time i talk to him, my heart beats so ridiculously fast.
well the feeling that i have for this guy is somehow funny and weird in the same time.
i dont deal with distance whatsoever, so i just admire him from here. and nothing more to say
he's been nice to me, once or twice he talks to me and ask me how im doing. and it's just nice
but the fact that im not capable to reach him, i chose to move back. i dont wanna hurt myself by giving me some hope while i know there's never a hope in the first place.

it's just him with his lil good life over there. and i just cant compete. i cant compete...
but it's making me sick coz everyday i just simply think of him.
and i know im just wasting my time waiting! but what can i do?
it's just we're like water and flame. we cant be together.. no matter what.

he's too hard.. and out of reach.

lil sweet escape to singapore

dear readers, from 9/12-14/12-2009 i went to singapore particularly to come to the biggest end-of-the-year event (ZOUK OUT!!!). i had so much fun in singapore and i dont wanna go home yet. well, the first night i arrived in singapore, my bestfriend took me to a new club in town, butter factory. i had so much fun over there, the song and the crowd are crazy. i was simply overwhelmed. after spending the whole night in butter factory, we changed direction to zirca, another cool club in singapore. i got hell of crazy experience dat nite! we hopped to a total stranger cars we dont even know them that well. i mean, come on, they're strangers!! but we had a good chitchat with them (we're very tipsy) and we think they're nice people. and we're right. they wanna give us ride back home, but we said no, we went home by taxi that nite feeling so happy!! (thanks to the alcohol).

i also went to clarkequay, esplanade bay to have that delicious warm chocolate cake in max benner, and chimes (such a nice place to hang out with friends, just talking and enjoying the beer), merlion(singapore icon), sentosa beach, orchard (ion mall, obanyaki in taka food court!). geez i love everything about singapore. and last but not least i wwent to zouk out this crazy event for all young people in town. so many djs are coming n they were so awesome especially armin van buuren. i'll be back for this event again next yer i promise!! 

here's some pics of my lil trip to singapore: