Ash wednesday

Hi stranger,

Right now I'm at the Church waiting for the mass to start. It's Ash Wednesday today and I just knew from my friend last night. I felt so terrible. I wasn't always a religious person, but I do have time to time conversation with God. I think I always secretly talking to God or even think of Him and the world almost every minute. 

What can I say, I'm really a thinker and sometimes I wished I could be a happy go lucky person who seems to know it all and just being so chilled about it. It must be nice to have that kind of personality. I think I'm more like Charlie, the character in the Perks of being a Wallflower. I love that book. It's just I feel that I have so much similarity with him. 

The mass went quite peacefully. I was always get preoccupied with the silence and prayers in the Church. I might not be that religious but I truly believe in God. Of course I have a lot of fear in my life, but I believe that He really exists and He's watching us. Anyway, right after I went home, I went to go meditate with my boyfriend near my house. We love that place because it's the only meditation center in Jakarta (Or at least i think so). The place is so serene and calm, and it was far from the hectic street of Jakarta. So, it was actually quite nice there. The community is also very great, the people are really nice and real. So, I feel very comfortable. 

But that's not the point. The point is we can purely go there and rest our mind from our hectic day. And it's quite helping for me. I mean, my boyfriend and I have been contemplating our whole life about why we live and who we are. It is something that we felt inside us that is eager and wanting to experience and be the truth. My boyfriend, Brown, is very keen to his meditating and I am truly amazed on how a person could really dedicate his time to meditate and really seeking for the truth. For all I know, there are so many people whom really care less about finding their true self. 

Well, I just hope I myself shall find the truth, experience it and finally become enlighten. 

Love,

Sill.

Faith and Hope

Hi Stranger,

It's 1 o'clock in the morning and I still feel like writing. I am actually very tired right now and wish I can have that energy to go shower, but I'm just too lazy and I think I'm not that dirty. Anyway, I just got home from visiting my best friend who lives in the suburb area (Bintaro). Bintaro is actually quite far from my place but I'm glad that I could meet her and cheer her up a little bit.

So, Ginger is one of my best friend in high school, and we've been friends since then. She went to Seattle for college and for the past 3 years she didn't come back to Indonesia. People said 'Good things must come to an end eventually', and it might be what happened to Ginger. She really loves it there, and wished that she could live there instead of coming back to Jakarta. But sometimes things just don't go the way we would want it to. She has to finally go back to Indonesia for good because she couldn't find a job in Seattle. Maybe it is the way it is supposed to be. I think it's a good thing that she's coming back because she is the only child.

I am truly excited and happy that she's coming back to Jakarta, simply coz we haven't met each other for quite a long time. I'm super excited that she's back and really can't wait to catch up with her. 

Now that she's back, she has to face an even terrible news. Her father gets cancer and it's spreading really fast through the body and her dad is responding slowly to everything. 

She said the cancer has spread to the brain and it makes her dad having some difficulties to talk and to be in a conversation. To be honest with you, when i heard about her dad gets cancer, I feel like the world is a joke. I'm speechless and really feel bad and hurt about it. I met her father couples of time and he is a good man. 

I don't know why it has to happen and i really dont know what to say to her. It's been a really tough time for her family and I cant do anything but to support and cheer her up. She looks strong and calm, and I'm happy that she keeps it that way.

I know it's been hard for her, and she told us she cried a lot as well, but really, we can't do anything about it but hope for the best and pray to God that things are going to be just fine.

Her father will get some cancer treatment tomorrow and will be undergoing a brain cancer operation which is good. The doctor said that the tumor in his head is actually not really hard to be lifted, so we can only hope that the surgery will go well and he can be healthy again.

The doctor said he's got a stage 4 cancer and it's pretty bad. But when God interferes, anything is just possible. I truly believe that God is up there knowing what happen and He will not be quiet and do nothing if we ask for help from him.

God is the higher, the creator, and our Father. I know it seems so easy saying this because im not in her position, but I really know what it feels to be her. My mom once got so sick in the morning that she couldn't stand up and her face was very pale. She shouted for help in the bathroom and we were all cried. 

Seriously, i'm so scared if something happened to my mom. My brother and i took her directly to the nearest hospital and couldn't stop crying all the way. It was bad, really bad. I thought I was gonna lose my mom, I am so helpless. 

Thank God that she got taken care of right away in the hospital and the doctor said that she's just too tired and need to rest. I am very relieved that she's alright. Since that moment, I know how it feels to almost lose something that is very important in my life. I know that i really need to appreciate my mom and show love and care to her even more. 

Things can go wrong anytime. You see, as I grow older, I realize that i have to be more loving towards my parents. It's just natural instinct I guess. You know that your parents are so important in your life and all you want to do is to make them happy for the rest of their life.

I could only pray to God that everything is going to be alright. I shall have no fear and shall keep my faith stronger and my hope bigger.